Letter to Miles # 3

Beautiful boy,

I went to visit you today and to bring some holiday cheer to your resting place.

It is two days before Thanksgiving, the beginning of the holiday season. A season that you never got to experience, earthside at least. Last year, you were safe in my belly, surely enjoying all the sugar I was consuming!

This year you're not here, and there will be an empty place on our laps when we sit down to dinner. Even though you won't be here, it's hard not to picture what the day would have looked like. Oh Miles, you'd be eagerly ingesting sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, and all kinds of treats your papa would have snuck you. You would have basked in the attention of your relatives, being held by all your favorite people on the same day. Scarlett would have chased you as you crawled all around, loving every minute of it. As bed time came, our little family would have headed home, and I know you would have been just exhausted! Daddy would have made you a bath and thoroughly enjoyed getting you ready for bed (who knows, maybe we'd still be reading you the same books you loved). Finally, you and I would snuggle up in the rocking chair and I'd stare at you while you peacefully drifted off. It would have been, should have been, the perfect day.

Tragically, I will never know what the holiday season would look like with you in our lives. I keep thinking that this season will be impossible to get through, but then I remember; we've already lived through the worst days of our lives. There is no doubt, it's going to be difficult to get through the days and months to come, but we will do it. I promise to find new holiday traditions, that will always include you and your beautiful little face. Someday, when your siblings grace us all with their presence, they will also be included in these traditions, and I just know they'll love it.

I love you Miles, and I'm devastated that I won't get to enjoy this time of year as we all should have been. Please, wherever you are, give your me and your Daddy the strength to get through this time. (and all your family members that love you for that matter!)

I love you,

Mommy.