Letter to Miles #4

Hello my beautiful boy,

Recently, someone said to me, "I can't wait for 2018 to be over, it's been a terrible year." For just a moment, I couldn't have agreed more. 2018 has brought more heartache than a person should have to feel in their entire lifetime.

But then I stopped and remembered all of the amazing things that 2018 brought me. I met you! You were the most precious, content, and joyful baby I had ever met. I became a mom! I watched you grow, and smile, and laugh. We sat in the bath together daily, and I watched you, my precious little Aquarius, kick and squeal. You were so happy there.

Your Dad and I were able to take you to the snow and the beach. You blessed us with our first Mother's Day and Father's Day, memories we will cherish for a lifetime. You got to go to a music festival and bask in the tunes and sunshine. I watched you learn to roll over, and yearn to crawl. You met so many amazing family members, and they all loved being in your presence. We went camping with your auntie Sierra and cousin Scarlett. Your auntie and I couldn't believe how easy it was to take a 5 month old camping, because you were just such a sweet boy.

Oh Miles, the five months I spent with you were the best of my life. It wasn't always smiles and laughter, but it was always comfortable and meaningful.

After you left us, the rest of 2018 has been the worst of my life (and for everyone else that loved you). Sadness and heartbreak. Depression and complacency. I could go on forever trying to explain the pain I feel living without you, and it would still never capture the true feeling of heartache.

Sadly, 2018 will always be a complicated year. The year that I met you, my first child, my baby boy, the light of my life. And sadly the same year we had to say goodbye.

Being with you will always be my favorite part.

I love you forever baby boy,

Love, Mom (or Mama or Mommy, or whatever you would have called me)